lazy sunday with pinterest vol.8 : the dream wedding edition

day 133:
between xmas, new year’s & a sick child it has been a few weeks since i have posted but…
welcome to…

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the dream wedding edition!
this is my homage to one of my most favorite addictions/past times – pinterest.
if you are pinhead like me – come find me!


so as i reported earlier this week – i finally fit in my wedding dress -- which is a HUMONGOUS turning point in my relationship.
brian & i are totally committed to one another wedding or not – but i do want to marry him (despite draggin my feet for a year +) & now that i am feeling more confident (and better) in my own skin – let the wedding planning commence!
so this post is filled with wedding perfection in my brain & if money were no object – i would be more than dreaming…
but enough gabbing – let’s get to the goodies!

you’re invited!
something like this would probably rile the family up & be talked about for ages to come… the antagonist is me l♥ves it!
theminted.com

if i were to have my perfect dream wedding it would be outdoors in perfect 70-75 degree weather going late into the evening as dancing under the stars would be a dream come true.
it would be casual, easy going, & most of all FUN!

the ceremony…
definitely outdoors at dusk… i want to say my vows amongst family, friends & nature!
purple fabulosity!
(uploaded by user)

this is heavenly…
(uploaded by user)

my dress…
i am just not the foo-foo princess dress type. i LOVE it on other people – just not me.
these are more my style…

this is about as *formal* as I would ever get & simply because I adore elie saab –- he is the master of gowns. but i still feel like this just isn’t me? oh who am i kiddin' -- i would rock the shit outta this gown... heh!
a tale of four cities

this is very me & very similar to my dress (only mine isn't that short) – even in my dream wedding i would choose my current dress.
(uploaded by user)

i am on the fence where veils are concerned – but if i do decide to go the veil route – this type of veil with the netting is perfection! ( i even love the hair!)
wearable artz – etsy shop

and i MOST definitely will be wearing purple shoes…
dress2sale.com

i am also not planning on bridesmaids as i know that not everyone considers that an honor – heh. but in my dream wedding they would have no choice & i would love something like this! mismatched dresses of the bridesmaid's choice (minus the red though) in the shade of purple & style of their choice.
martha stewart weddings


the reception…
i dream of long tables, all of my guests dining together – NO head table, round tables & seating charts. good music, dancing, a beautifully catered meal (with a vegan option), served by a professional wait staff, great wine, candles, flowers, strings of lights & simplicity…

s w o o n – this is my wedding dream!
style me pretty

dancing outdoors under a lit tree & the stars? yes, yes, YES!
martha stewart weddings

open bar of course– i adore the chandelier hanging from the tree!
snippet & ink

centerpieces annoy me – especially the ginormous tall ones that you have to look around to see the person sitting across from you. i like a more simplistic approach. fresh flowers, white candles, clear dishes & glasses.
style me pretty

i love the idea of individual little angel cakes. i absolutely abhor the whole cut the cake thing & smashing me in the face with my own wedding cake will NEVER happen! no offense to peeps who like that – that just annoys me!
martha stewart weddings

wedding favors WILL be some sort of live plant/flower in a pot that hopefully my guests will plant and/or tend to! my 1st choice would be succulents because i love them so!
the wedding chicks blog

OR…
i could say frig this & let disney plan & do the whole thing & fly everyone i know & love to disney world for the wedding of a lifetime?!?! heh.
disney event photography

like i have said before – i totally lack the bridal gene (although i am pretty opinionated about what i like & don’t like huh?). i love to watch other people go over-the-top but for me that seems obscene? even if money were no option i could never justify $40,000 for a gown & hundreds of thousands of dollars for the wedding itself.
gimme the simple life any day!
(bridal gene or not – this was fun!)

peace, l♥ve & carpe the fuck outta the diem!
xxoo
cyn
if ya’ll feel like takin’ a gander --- go check out my mama/photography blog the purple goddess & follow along!

tanning booth confessions vol.6

day 130:
merry weigh-in eve bloggy peeps!

so it’s been awhile & in honor of my triumphant (heh) return to the gym last night which also included a visit to the tanning booth (soooooo effin’ relaxing – oh how i have missed thee tanning booth) – i am bringing back…

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the random thoughts that permeate my sick twisted little brain whilst standing buck-ass naked in a tanning booth for the longest ten minutes of my life…

in situations like this you have no choice but to come clean and say it like it is…
so here goes – light a candle, chuck life the bird, and fess the fuck up!
(disclaimer: not all things posted will be traditional confessions – but certainly random!)

so let’s begin!

confession:
last night was the 1st time i have been to the gym since december 12th – wow! the guy at the desk had that “where the heck have you been?” look on his face – but it’s the *no judgement* zone @ planet fitness so he didn’t say mum. his face said enough…

confession:
everytime i go shopping i feel compelled to try on jeans just to make sure i am really a size 11/12. i know it sounds insane but i haven’t worn this size since the 1980s & i am having a real hard time convincing myself that this isn’t some fluke! and furthermore wearing clothes that actually fit & are not overly baggy in a vain effort to *cover* areas that i don’t want seen is completely foreign to me as well.

confession:
i ♥ tjmaxx & especially this time of year when they have AH-MAY-ZING clearance prices. i got a pair of jeans (size 11), some skinny navy blue super soft cords (size 11), two shirts (size medium) AND a dress (size medium) all for $37.00! and i didn’t want to scratch my own eyes out in the dressing room which is a MAJOR nsv (non-scale victory).
*a little head’s up – bathing suits/bikinis are already making their grand entrance into the stores*

confession:
i ate at the local (shithole) buffet yesterday. but in my defense – it is the ONLY place on the planet that my picky eating/recently sick daughter will eat (don’t ask me why – it is a mystery to us as well) & because she had basically gone SIX damn days without barely a nibble; drastic measures needed to be taken. as someone trying to eat healthy & vegan – this place is a virtual nightmare. seriously – even their veggies were cooked in GOBS of butter & the green beans had some sort of pork product (ew ew ew) in them to *flavor*. blech! i stuck with the salad bar – which was actually very nice --- lotsa fresh fruit & even some some beautiful mixed geens.

confession:
brian asked me yesterday if i was *skinny* (his word not mine) enough to marry him yet. i have written before about what a vain mofo i am & how i have come to terms with the fact that the reason we aren’t married yet & i have been dragging my feet is because i didn’t want to be a fat bride. i don’t want to look back on that day or at photos & all i can focus on is that i didn’t feel or look my best! (and please don’t send me snarky emails – i am not saying you need to be *thin* to be a beautiful bride. this is my personal preferrence & i am entitled.)

confession:
brian’s question got me to thinking – so i tried on my wedding dress & for the 1st time EVER it zipped all the way up! IT FITS!!!! and i love it! i can actually envision myself getting married…
wow!
so i guess i will be planning a wedding for real?
wow!
don’t ask when – i gotta process the fact that i can zip my dress up first!

confession:
i missed a good portion of the last hour of biggest loser (spoiler alert) tuesday night because i was snoozin’. i did see the beginning of the weigh-in’s & i did see mike get voted off the ranch (he was kinda creepy anyhow). and i know kim kinda fucked up making that bet – but i still like her – she is like me – all or nuttin’! and i like emily too – they are my faves – ironically the two peeps brought in without a partner!

confession:
i am not feeling super confident about tomorrow’s weigh-in. i might have a gain? maybe not? i certainly don’t think i lost much if anything at all. i have had a good string of pretty impressive weigh-in’s for the past month or so – i feel like i am due for a gain? it’s part of the process – everyone gains – so i am prepping myself for it. either way – i WILL be at my weigh-in/meeting & owning my shit!

confession:
i am back to wearing thongs & have officially chucked all my granny panties & brian is suddenly much nicer to me… heh. yeah my butt can fit in them again without them rolling down & making me mental! YAY! Another NSV!

confession:
i literally have been writing this post ALL FREAKIN’ DAY as my daughter has been abducted by aliens & they have replaced her with some sort of alien pod baby. seriously, i know she is just getting over being wicked sick & i love her more than life itself but W T F kid?!?! she screamed, yelled, kicked, stomped & cried on & off ALL day & if i didn’t have weigh-in tomorrow i would be downing the bottle of wine in the fridge right now!

so there ya have it – no shame in my game!

what do ya need to get off your ta-ta’s?!?!
spill it…
then cross your eyes, make the sign of the devil horns, and drink a double hail bloody mary and all is forgiven…


peace, l♥ve & carpe the fuck outta the diem!
xxoo
cyn
if ya’ll feel like takin’ a gander @ my alien pod baby & the rest of my crazy brood --- go check out my mama/photography blog the purple goddess & follow along!

the dress

(this was written last night but due to a restless two year old – i am just now posting…)
day: 45
greetings blog-o-sphere!

i normally don’t get too-too personal on here -- well other than my über personal drivel about my weight & all – heh.
what i mean to say is that i normally save the major family talk & gobs of photos for my mama blog -- the purple goddess.
but something happened today that relates to my journey that i blog about here & my family life that i blog about there.
but let me not get ahead of myself.

in case you weren’t aware – i am the mother of three beautiful (crazy-ass) kiddos & madly in love with my fiancé brian. we are a fully committed couple living the blended family dream -- as anyone else doing it knows – it’s never the brady bunch.
but no, we are not married.
(september 17, 2010 -- just engaged & so happy – this was the lowest I got on my last weight watcher journey too -- about 191. please tell me i am not the only one who looks @ a photo of themselves & thinks about what weight they were???)
(my amazing engagement ring – isn’t it fabu?)
he would marry me tomorrow but it is me who is draggin’ her feet.
and no, not because i don’t want to marry him.
it’s because i don’t wanna be a fat (yeah i said fat because that is what it is -- no need to be pc about my own ass) bride & look back @ photos of our wedding & fuckin' loathe what i see.
there i said it!

it has taken me months – no wait – a year or better to admit that.
i finally admitted it to brian the other night after using every excuse in the friggen book.
money, family drama, timing, our living situation (an entire blog post in itself), you name it.
but the truth is – i am vain as fuck!

i started the purple goddess as a *wedding blog* to chronicle planning & ultimately marrying brian. i was also in the midst of my last weight watcher adventure & hoping to drop the extra poundage before the *big day* -- back then we planned to be married this past august.
as time went by i knew i wasn’t committed – it was then that i began to get nervous. i pushed the date back from mid-august to early september. then i pushed it to late september – and all because i was not sticking to my plans of losing weight.
by early this past summer i had postponed the wedding indefinitely citing financial reasons -- which do come into play but aren’t the true reason.
our wedding (or lack thereof) became a taboo subject for me.
and worst of all was my perfect (for me) wedding dress that i love – hanging in my closet, covered in plastic, purposely out-of-sight. but yet a constant reminder of how i had not followed through on big plans to lose weight again.
of course i bought the dress in a smaller size that i had hoped to be in and well if you are like me and a yo-yo diet veteran then you know how that always seems to work out.
let’s be honest – i have tons of *when i lose weight* clothes – not just a wedding dress. but the wedding dress of course is the crème de la crème.

the bottom line is this – i was never going to get on track & lose weight for a wedding dress or for a wedding that wasn’t even planned or secured – no matter how much i love brian or wanna be mrs. b.
i had to do it for me & for me only.
and that is where i am at today. this is all about me & for me & not for anyone or anything else. i do not have some date or goal weight that i am striving for – i want to be healthy, in shape, and confident – whatever weight range that may entail & however long it takes me to get there.

but today i decided to do something bold…
i tried on my wedding dress for the first time ever -- yes, ever.
(here it is – strapless, slightly above the knee length, with pockets & a white zebra print – l♥ve & so me!)
(close-up – just love the details on the waistline & you can see the zebra print – did i mention i got this dress for $20 on sale – w00ts)
a major, super, immense, humongous, ginormous, extra-large, stupendous step for me – because trying that dress on represents a year or better of trying & failing & accepting & forgiving myself for it all.
and no, of course it didn’t fit – but it didn’t feel like a total lost cause either.
i know eventually wearing it with pride & struttin’ my ass in it is doable. and while it may be vain – i want to be the best me possible when i marry the man i love with every cell in my (hopefully thinner & sexier) body! and i will have no problem looking back on any photos of our special day!
everybody wins!

so i ask you – what do you think of purchasing *when i lose weight* clothes?
ever done it?
would you do it for something momentous like a wedding?
do you think it’s a good motivation?
lemme hear your thoughts!

spread the bloggy l♥ve, eat your veggies, and love yourself!
xxoo
cyn