day 130:
merry weigh-in eve bloggy peeps!
so it’s been awhile & in honor of my triumphant (heh) return to the gym last night which also included a visit to the tanning booth (soooooo effin’ relaxing – oh how i have missed thee tanning booth) – i am bringing back…
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the random thoughts that permeate my sick twisted little brain whilst standing buck-ass naked in a tanning booth for the longest ten minutes of my life…
in situations like this you have no choice but to come clean and say it like it is…
so here goes – light a candle, chuck life the bird, and fess the fuck up!
(disclaimer: not all things posted will be traditional confessions – but certainly random!)
so let’s begin!
confession:
last night was the 1st time i have been to the gym since december 12th – wow! the guy at the desk had that “where the heck have you been?” look on his face – but it’s the *no judgement* zone @ planet fitness so he didn’t say mum. his face said enough…
confession:
everytime i go shopping i feel compelled to try on jeans just to make sure i am really a size 11/12. i know it sounds insane but i haven’t worn this size since the 1980s & i am having a real hard time convincing myself that this isn’t some fluke! and furthermore wearing clothes that actually fit & are not overly baggy in a vain effort to *cover* areas that i don’t want seen is completely foreign to me as well.
confession:
i ♥ tjmaxx & especially this time of year when they have AH-MAY-ZING clearance prices. i got a pair of jeans (size 11), some skinny navy blue super soft cords (size 11), two shirts (size medium) AND a dress (size medium) all for $37.00! and i didn’t want to scratch my own eyes out in the dressing room which is a MAJOR nsv (non-scale victory).
*a little head’s up – bathing suits/bikinis are already making their grand entrance into the stores*
confession:
i ate at the local (shithole) buffet yesterday. but in my defense – it is the ONLY place on the planet that my picky eating/recently sick daughter will eat (don’t ask me why – it is a mystery to us as well) & because she had basically gone SIX damn days without barely a nibble; drastic measures needed to be taken. as someone trying to eat healthy & vegan – this place is a virtual nightmare. seriously – even their veggies were cooked in GOBS of butter & the green beans had some sort of pork product (ew ew ew) in them to *flavor*. blech! i stuck with the salad bar – which was actually very nice --- lotsa fresh fruit & even some some beautiful mixed geens.
confession:
brian asked me yesterday if i was *skinny* (his word not mine) enough to marry him yet. i have written before about what a vain mofo i am & how i have come to terms with the fact that the reason we aren’t married yet & i have been dragging my feet is because i didn’t want to be a fat bride. i don’t want to look back on that day or at photos & all i can focus on is that i didn’t feel or look my best! (and please don’t send me snarky emails – i am not saying you need to be *thin* to be a beautiful bride. this is my personal preferrence & i am entitled.)
confession:
brian’s question got me to thinking – so i tried on my wedding dress & for the 1st time EVER it zipped all the way up! IT FITS!!!! and i love it! i can actually envision myself getting married…
wow!
so i guess i will be planning a wedding for real?
wow!
don’t ask when – i gotta process the fact that i can zip my dress up first!
confession:
i missed a good portion of the last hour of biggest loser (spoiler alert) tuesday night because i was snoozin’. i did see the beginning of the weigh-in’s & i did see mike get voted off the ranch (he was kinda creepy anyhow). and i know kim kinda fucked up making that bet – but i still like her – she is like me – all or nuttin’! and i like emily too – they are my faves – ironically the two peeps brought in without a partner!
confession:
i am not feeling super confident about tomorrow’s weigh-in. i might have a gain? maybe not? i certainly don’t think i lost much if anything at all. i have had a good string of pretty impressive weigh-in’s for the past month or so – i feel like i am due for a gain? it’s part of the process – everyone gains – so i am prepping myself for it. either way – i WILL be at my weigh-in/meeting & owning my shit!
confession:
i am back to wearing thongs & have officially chucked all my granny panties & brian is suddenly much nicer to me… heh. yeah my butt can fit in them again without them rolling down & making me mental! YAY! Another NSV!
confession:
i literally have been writing this post ALL FREAKIN’ DAY as my daughter has been abducted by aliens & they have replaced her with some sort of alien pod baby. seriously, i know she is just getting over being wicked sick & i love her more than life itself but W T F kid?!?! she screamed, yelled, kicked, stomped & cried on & off ALL day & if i didn’t have weigh-in tomorrow i would be downing the bottle of wine in the fridge right now!
so there ya have it – no shame in my game!
what do ya need to get off your ta-ta’s?!?!
spill it…
then cross your eyes, make the sign of the devil horns, and drink a double hail bloody mary and all is forgiven…
peace, l♥ve & carpe the fuck outta the diem!
xxoo
cyn
if ya’ll feel like takin’ a gander @ my alien pod baby & the rest of my crazy brood --- go check out my mama/photography blog the purple goddess & follow along!
i have seemed to have lost my mojo in the past week or so?
and i haven’t a valid excuse so i won’t even try to muster one up for good measure!
i’m in a funk – it happens – and trust me, with my depression i am used to this – only a million times worse & more often.
the new me says *fuck that noise!*
