Saturday, December 31, 2011

a reflection on 2011: the year i got selfish!

day:118

so this is the dilly – 2011 started out like 2010 which started out like 2009 & so on & so on.
big ambitions & very little motivation.
i can sit here & list a bazillion reasons but ultimately i believe that my inability to be okay with putting myself 1st has been my downfall all along.
no really – hear me out.

this year my life, my health, my sanity, my relationships, & my overall well being were in jeopardy.
i hit a wall with so many things & was left feeling overwhelmed & defeated in just about every aspect of my life!
after years of trying to self-medicate with just about every form
(mainly food) possible -- i finally realized that i needed help with my depression & i needed to make that a priority.
i know it’s cliché but admitting ya got issues truly is the 1st step to recovery.
and girlfriend
(that be me) be drownin’ in her own shit & shit!

once i got over the depression hurdle that is when i had an epiphany – i cannot be the best mom, partner, friend, daughter, & human being until i am okay with ME. and i cannot be okay with ME until i make ME the top priority in my life over EVERYTHING else.
and I mean EVERYTHING -- kids, spouses, partners, friends, relatives, jobs, faith, commitments – all of it!
all those things you put ahead of yourself no matter what because you believe that is how to show your love & devotion, what is expected of you, makes you a better person, & we
(especially women) are taught that being selfish about ourselves is a bad thing.
and sorry kiddos but doing all of this will NOT EVER lead to true happiness.
life is too effin’ short to be unhappy – so i decided to be happy.
that’s when i kicked it into high gear & made some decisions that changed everything…
i left my job -- the work environment was toxic on so many levels & no amount of money is worth being miserable every single fucking day! could we afford it? helllll to the no! but i also couldn’t afford to loathe something so much that i wanted to punch something or someone hard. really hard!

and i rejoined weight watchers – i decided that i am worth the added expense, time, effort & energy it takes to truly commit to weight loss & getting fit.

just those two vital decisions & how they bettered my world transcended into other bigger/smaller decisions & actions that have made my life increasinly happy!
and when mama’s happy – EVERYONE is happy!
truly.

in 2012 – i plan to keep it rollin’ & continue on my current path. i will never be that girl again – the one who lets life come 1st .
i come 1st no matter what!
and anyone who doesn’t like it can kindly step to the left & fuck off.

peace, love, & toasts to a fuckin’ fabulous 2012!
xxoo
cyn

**** disclaimer – i am in NO WAY telling anyone to run out & quit their job or to do anything drastic for that matter. i am only relaying my life experiences & what changes helped me. and as always i recommend EVERYONE see their doctor before beginning ANY weight loss/diet/exercise regimen!

17 comments:

Hot Coco aka Ellen said...

I love this!! Cyn, you took your life - your well-being - by the horns and are holding on for dear life, because your well-being is the foundation of life. Kudos to you for recognizing that, and taking action on your behalf.

Happy fucking awesome New Year to you! :-) xoox

Bzybee said...

Love your attitude.. Hope you have a great year!

Maren said...

I second Ellen here. Taking charge of your life .. it's what life is about. Making it into what YOU want it to be! Because it IS too damn short!

Mommy Bags said...

Clap...clap you did what you had to do for you. You took charge mama and look at you now.....Happy New Year!

Mindie Hilton said...

You rock! I love your post. I think that so many moms put everyone and everything over themselves, and are left with nothing. It is so important to take time for yourself. I know just taking 30 minutes for me each day, be it time for a self pedi (because I can't afford a professional one) or 30 minutes of walking by myself, with no one saying "mom, mom, mom, mommy, mum..." is going to leave me a happier, healthier, sane mom that everyone can love. Much love to you girl on New Year's Eve. Have a rocken New Year's Eve!

Brenda said...

Happy New Year gf!

A Daft Scots Lass said...

♥ Happy 2012 ♥

Miz said...

three cheers for selfish.

loud and raucous ones.

Miss April said...

Sooooo awesome! You seek to inspire, don't you?! Be selfish, we have to in order to love ourselves and be truly happy. Im a little envious of how much you took control of our life - I shall turn that envy into determination to do the same for myself. Happy, Happy New Year! :)

Susan said...

Honestly, I think Ellen said it best! Good on YOU! Know that in your "selfishness" you have inspired me to become more "selfish" so hey, you're a hero!
Susan
http://75percenthippie.blogspot.com
http://happyhippieheart.blogspot.com

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