five days in...

day 5:

so the end of day five approaches and i have really mixed emotions about how my first week is going so far.
but then again i always do.

the first week is the hardest.
duh, of course it is.
and even though i am super motivated it is still a struggle to end my shitty habits and to get back to a healthy frame of mind.
oh and let usnot forget mother nature and her need to make me a hormonal lunatic with a penchant for candy and well i am just not a happy camper.

but despite my whining i have hung in there –
i have measured, weighed, and tracked every morsel that has entered my trap.
i even tracked the blts (bites, licks, and tastes).
i still have plenty of weeklies – 39 or so at least -- i had a glass sangria earlier and we plan on firing up the bbq tomorrow night as well.
i have also earned plenty of ap’s (14+) despite a bum knee that is trying like hell to make me quit.
so all in all – while i may be moaning and groaning – i am in fact working it pretty damn well!

i think my major issue is truly the pms – seriously, i think after age 40 is should be a voluntary thing. something you take on willingly and only to get out of work, mowing the lawn, and/or annoying family functions.

and today should have been my comeback meeting at ww– but by the time brian (my hunny) got home (he works a wicked early morning shift) it was too late to make it there.

so i am focusing on the upcoming week so i can kick ass and have a great first weigh-in next friday and be pumped for my meeting as well.
i have missed my meetings and most of all my leader tricia who is just wonderous!

and another thought that has been cruising around my brain the past few days…
i am seriously thinking of going back to eating 100% vegetarian again. it has only been a few weeks and honestly i do still eat primarily a plant based diet – but i have fully let veganism hit the curb.
and there again – i resist dairy way more than i eat it – but i have allowed myself a lot of leniency and flexibility these past 6-8 weeks while i focused on getting my head straight.

i was diagnosed with depression and have been getting adjusted to wellbutrin for the past two months. it has been an transition but overall a positive experience. i feel more able to cope and have had an immense sense of clarity in reconigizing toxic situations and people that i needed to weed out of my life.

i feel better than i have in years and like i said, i am so ready to weed out negativity and focus on what i need to do to make me better in mind, body and soul.
ya gotta improve from the inside out after all.
i got the inside in a much better place – let’s see if we can renovated the outside a bit?

i feel like i am on a great path in so many ways and it feels good to be me again.
so take that mother nature and your effin’ pms!

take a minute and love yourself today -- you know you need a hug!
cyn