Tuesday, September 20, 2011


misadventures of a chunky goddess

day: 16

hello bloggy peeps!
another edition of rock out with your crock out – w00ts!
my quest to find easy -- yet healthy -- crock pot recipes that are lurkin’ out there in cyber space just waiting to be discovered and made into a favorite.
and trust me; this ain’t always so easy!
plus i gotta feed three hungy big-ass male types and my trap – so consider this a quest second to finding the fountain of youth!

in my search for a new recipe for this week i went to a tried and true favorite site as a repeat offender on weight watchers --
laa loosh. it has a vast list of weight watcher friendly recipes and even offers the points+ value. (unless it is an older recipe in which you will have to enter into the recipe builder on weight watchers online -- a pain in the ass i might add – but worth it if you are a anal retentive tracker like me!)

so i am always looking for something new that is not only healthy but something my brood will eat. what i found was
creamy chicken and mushrooms macaroni crock pot recipe.
yeah, yeah, yeah okay i admit – it doesn’t even sound healthy – but it tries really freakin’ hard. plus when all else fails – i am not above slippin’ something green and leafy in there to at least get a veggie and some vitamins in.
and i was willing to give it a whirl in the effort to get brian
(my lovah) to eat anything fat-free. he does *light* but fat-free is against his religion. and who can blame him – cause come on it doesn’t taste the same – i don’t care what anyone says!
i digress…
so here in the recipe – copied & pasted word for word via the site – link above will take ya right there even.

creamy chicken and mushrooms macaroni crock pot recipe
1 (10 3/4 oz.) can healthy request cream of chicken soup
1/4 cup land o lakes no-fat sour cream
16 oz. skinned & boned uncooked chicken breast, cut into 20 pieces
1 cup (one 4oz. can) sliced mushrooms, drained
1/2 cup finely chopped onion
1 1/3 cups (3oz) uncooked elbow macaroni
salt and pepper to taste
spray a slow cooker container with butter flavored cooking spray. in the prepared container, combine chicken soup & sour cream. stir in chicken, mushrooms, and onion. add uncooked macaroni. mix well to combine. cover & cook on low for 6 to 8 hours. gently stir again just before serving. enjoy! makes 4 servings.

serving size = 1 cup
each serving = 9 weight watches points+

okay – first of all lemme say this much – martha fucking stewart i am not –- so recipes in general are not my forte’- hence why i am doing a crock pot feature.
anyone can crock pot – even me – and as my profile says – i crock pot like a mofo!
but let me stop there and let the recipe do the talking…

so i got all my ingredients together – i have to double the recipe because no way in bloody hell would this feed my guys.
(i opted for whole wheat elbows & 98% fat free cream of chicken soup -- but kept everything else to the *t*)

i mix it all together – and here is where i get a little scared.
something just didn’t look right.

but hey what do i know – there were no photos (
shoulda been my first clue and a rule from now on – no photo; no make! ).
about two hours in i take a peek and it really doesn’t look right. very dry and umm kinda gross.
so i do what any non-martha-fucking-stewart type would do.
i break out…

yeah, chicken broth fixes anything right? it’s like the duct tape of the pantry, no?

two more hours and now i am swearing.

umm what the fuck is this shit in my crock pot?
i dunno? why?
because i dunno where my pasta went and i am about to lose my shit.
*looks into crockpot*
oh yeah look at that shit, weird!

no word of a lie – not one elbow. not even a blooming trace of an elbow. and those little bastards were brown as hell and there isn’t even a brown speck!
i am befuddled!
and before you ask – yes, i followed the recipe exactly as it was written
well -- minus adding the chicken stock.
which I add more of because it just a pot of goo with the random chunk of chicken and a rare mushroom in it.
i add more chicken stock.
i add peas.
more chicken stock…
and this is what i get…

the only way i can think to describe it is that it was kinda, sorta, but not really like a half-assed pot of chicken in dumplings minus the dumplings and the tasty veggies.
yeah i tasted it – i had to.
it was starchy – of course – it had a 2 2/3 cups of annihilated pasta in it.
boo hoo!

so i did what any red-blooded non-martha-freaking-stewart type would do…
i called domino’s for my family…

and this for me.
yeah oatmeal for dinner.

it’s okay – i am a freakazoid and lurve oatmeal.

but needless to say – creamy chicken and mushrooms macaroni crock pot recipe was an utter flop. actually flop is too nice of a word and to call it a flop is an insult to decent flops!
it was starchy random chicken vile!
so yeah – don’t try this recipe – it suckeths!

nothing against
laa loosh.
i have tried other recipes and had great success.
but nothing has ever been this bad.

remember the rule – no photo; no make!

i promise to find an actual edible recipe next time…
no really, i will – i have a crock pot like a mofo reputation to protect!

spread the bloggy l♥ve, eat your veggies, and love yourself!


Plump Nonfiction said...

We all find duds when it comes to recipes. Its great that you tried. Hopefully next time will be better. I'm looking forward to the good ones that I can try out too.

Mariebop said...

Oh no!! Sorry it didn't turn out. :( Honestly... I've never seen a crock pot recipe where you add the pasta at the beginning. Then again... I've never tried to make any kind of cheesy mac in my crockpot... Looking forward to next week's recipe!

Elizabeth said...

Oh my goodness!! HAHAHA! I'm sorry but your way of describing it is hilarious! Sorry it didn't turn out, shit happens LOL!

Terra H. said...

I promise you, I can mess up any meal...including one from a crockpot. My husband is the Betty Crocker of the house. Thanks for the recipes. I can do my wifely duties and print them out for hubby to make, minus this one.
Oh, good news! You are this week's #3 spot for Keepin' Company Thursdays on my blog, www.heckofabunch6.com. The post will go up at 7 am Thursday morning.

Daily Rant said...

LMFAO! Thank you Cyn I needed that laugh.
So sorry your crock of goodies didn't turn out to be so good. I hope you enjoyed your oatmeal.
If it makes you feel any better, a couple of weeks ago I made granola bars for the first time from scratch. I didn't use parchment paper, nor did I cut the bars while the granola was still hot. Needless to say we ended up chipping the granola out of the pan and put it in our yogurt lol. Ya live and ya learn!

Denise McDonough said...

Ugh I could gag! Lol I make a killer one but out of curiosity did you cook the pasta first? And usually which this recipe us clearly lacking lol you shouldn't put the cooked past in till only about 30 mins left of cooking. After my oven was broken for almost a year I mastered the grill toaster oven and crock pot lol also understanding the Chinese guy at golden crown when ordering my beef and broccoli but yea who is judging lol...
I have awesome crockpot recipes I'll share some with you if you like :) one includes balls turkey balls! I love eating balls.... And that one has pasta :)