so i am just gonna spill it.
i had my meeting/weigh-in today and i gained.
i effin’ gained!
.4 lbs (yeah as in 4/10’s a pound) which is squat but a gain nonetheless.
now i am gonna rant for a bit but please understand that it just me venting – i am not detoured – if anything i am even more of a mission to do this shit!
i can handle a gain – it is part of the process…
but i would handle it a lot better if i hadn’t worked my balls to nubs in the gym earning 48 freakin activity points – which is more than i would earn in a whole month the prior two times i was on weight watchers.
also… if i had been jammin’ twinkies down my throat – i would be okay with a little gain. but i ate within my points and 89% of the time i ate clean.
and my head was so in the game because so much of this is mental.
look at me on my way to my meeting…
(ignore the trash can – ew!)
head totally in the game & i am feeling pretty damn good – fully psyched to get on the scale because i am just convinced i have lost this week again.
i was shocked when the receptionist told me i had gained and she could see the shock on my face and says “not what you were expecting?”
umm hell fucking no…
then she asked if there was something i had done differently and i admittedly responded in a snarky voice “yeah, worked my ass off at the gym.”
i am pretty sure i made her nervous and boo hiss to me for taking my gain out on the poor chica weighing me – whom of course has been me – all leaders and recptionist are lifetime members after all.
and it sucks when you gain – because then my head is instantly outta the game.
i am not paying attention to the meeting where i learn tools and tips to help me not gain again. tricia, my leader, asked me a question and i swear you could hear the crickets creaking – i hadn’t heard a word she had said.
and i won’t lie – i was pissssssed!
wait, correction… i was confused, frustrated, and pissssssssssssssssssed!
and then the self-doubt kicks in. i feel that old *you will always be overweight* defeated piss-poor voice in my head telling me to *fuck this shit*.
that same voice is telling me to screw the meeting and just stuff my face with taco bell because that will certainly make me feel better.
and yeah it will – won’t lie.
for about a nano second.
and then round two of *beat the piss outta yourself* starts.
it is a ridiculous vicious cycle – always finding mediocre ways to self-medicate that only compound the problems i am trying to ease in the first place.
yeah, i am over that!
so i got mad – really mad – then i decided to just accept it.
maybe it was a fluke?
maybe i didn’t drink enough water yesterday?
maybe it’s muscle gain?
maybe it’s the clothes?
maybe a butterfly flap it’s wings too hard ultimately causing the space-time continuum to tilt a little to the left in turn making my butt bigger?
heh – it could happen? no?
oh well – dusting my self off and moving the frig on.
i am going to the gym tonight and taking my frustrations out on the eliptical until that phucka cries…
i know we need to measure our success somehow and sadly with weight loss the scale does come into play – but i am telling ya – there is some truth to peeps who stay the heck away from the scale and go by how they feel and how their clothes fit. i was walking on sunshine until i stepped on that evil contraption…
don’t forget to join my weekend hop, spread the bloggy l♥ve, eat your veggies, and love yourself!
(you hear that cyn – love yourself cause you do rock!)
ohhhhh -- and thank you thank you thank you for my 100+ followers. i wanted to have a giveaway @ 100 but i kinda let that get away from me. but no worries -- something in the works!
*** thanking google images unless noted***