Monday, September 12, 2011

tanning booth confessions

misadventures of a chunky goddess
<div align="center"><a href="http://chunkygoddess.blogspot.com/" title="misadventures of a chunky goddess" target="_blank"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wys9zSohkic/Tm4J93PL8FI/AAAAAAAAIEU/c_p27oUWSHA/s300/img0554tbc2.jpg" alt="misadventures of a chunky goddess" style="border:none;" /></a></div>






so welcome to a new feature my little warped mind dreamed up while tanning yesterday after my workout at the gym. because ten minutes seems like an eternity in there especially while buck-ass naked and fixating on every little imperfection those blasted flourescent lights seem to accentuate!
in situations like this you have no choice but to come clean and say it like it is…
so here goes – light a candle, chuck life the bird, and fess the fuck up!

confession…
i have a dirty mouth and have been known to use *fuck* as a noun, verb, prounoun and an adverb -- and no amount of orbit gum with ever fix it. if this offends you in any way, you should prolly stop reading here cuz the confessions gets worse…

“who you calling a cootie queen you lintlicker?!?!”

confession…
i used my cell phone to take and create the banner pic/button for this feature yesterday in the actual tanning booth while actually tanning because i am a wee bit mental and don’t give a fuck. and you know i took a nudie one too cause i am pervy like that. not saying it or i looked good but now i know what my ass looks like in flourescent lighting…

confession…
i ate steak yesterday – yeah i am the worst vegetarian ever. i cannot even call myself one – so from now on i want to be known as flexitarian the vegetarian formally know as vegan.

confession…
i used yo gabba gabba stickers to bribe my daughter into going peeps and poops in her potty and by golly it worked – little miss did her biz like a big girl all day today and didn’t peep her pants once!
if i had known this sooner i woulda used it because stickers are way cheaper than diapers! poor thing would sit on that little red dora potty all day for a foofa sticker…

speaking of foofa…
confession…
i have a couple grey/white hairs on my foofa (sorry that name just sounds dirty) – they were literally glowing in the dark in the tanning booth. time to shave that shit right off because miss clairol doesn’t make a coochie version and the pain-in-the-ass process of going baldy is better than looking like a nana down there…
tmi?
*heh*
told ya they get worse…

so there ya have it – no shame in my game!

what do ya need to get off your ta-ta’s?!?!
spill it…
then eat your orbit gum and drink a double hail bloody mary and all is forgiven…

xxoo
cyn

feel free to steal the button and spread the honesty if ya like.

10 comments:

Mizzreviewlady said...

Just stopping by your blog from the hop. I am your newest follower and would love a follow back over at http://mizzreviewlady-mommyreviews.blogspot.com/
Thanks:)

Mass Hole Mommy said...

I'm all about bribing my kids & not just to poop on the potty, either. Whatever works, right?

melissa said...

yeah i am a new follower. love it! please come check our blog out
http://lavidabuenaschool.blogspot.com/

Mad Mind said...

I'm not sure anyone would catch me buck ass naked in the tanning booth. I would always be afraid someone would walk in. Thanks for joining the Train!

Leah (The Kind Weight Watcher) said...

I went tanning for a month in high school and it did me absolutely no good! I put that stupid little heart sticker on my hip and could never find the spot again... my skin doesn't tan.

couponingfromFL2MI said...

I am your newest follower via GFC, from Sara's Blog of Fun hop! Following you from http://couponingfromfl2mi.blogspot.com/

Cyn said...

mizz --- thanking you i ♥ new friends -- be glad to follow back!

masshole -- (love saying that as i live so close to mass) you got that right!

melissa -- ty darlin' follow ya right back!

madmind -- lol yeah i often wonder about that and what a crazed person who would get their jollies outta that...

leah -- wow, sounds like the place you went to sucked or you have resilient skin. i miss those ♥ stickers & the playboy bunny ones -- lol so cheesy!

couponing -- thanks for findin' me -- happy to return the ♥

A Daft Scots Lass said...

so now you have one tanned arm and one white arm and a banner!

Good for you. Perhaps next time you can tan the other arm and create a banner with the other hand and make it Even-Steven.

Miss April said...

How do you and why would you possibly do anything in the tanning booth other than turn your brain off? I put on the goggles, close my eyes and dream of marshmallows for 12 minutes. It's a wonderful thing.

Cyn said...

miss april -- omgosh i wish -- i am standing there and it is the longest 10 minutes of my freakin' life!
heh